Endings & Beginnings

On my other blog, "No Food Left Behind," I wrote an entry on March 28 about my experience at the doctor's office that day. I re-wrote it later, deleting some personal details.

One of the phrases I used in that entry was "no good, very bad day." Of course it was a reference to Judith Viorst's book, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."

There were many parallels to that story on March 28, the largest of which (to me) is when Alexander says that his friend Paul told him he wasn't his best friend anymore. Paul says that Philip Parker is his best friend and that Albert Moyo was his next best friend and that Alexander has now dropped to third.

I had this conversation with a friend on the phone that day on the way to the appointment. A conversation during which I mis-spoke a sentence that broke the relationship in two. I related this story in an entry on this blog last week. I said that steps have been made to repair the relationship, but in actuality, this past weekend I saw a final break. This one was intentional on my part this time.

What does this have to do with my menomania story? I'm not completely sure, except that it is occurring during this menomania period of my life.

I'm finding out who my real friends are. My real friends are ones that accept me for me, not for what I say or do, not for what I don't say or don't do. They build me up when I need it, and give me a gentle chiding when I need that. There are no hidden agenda, no hidden feelings kept back. A mis-spoken (if that actually occurred at all) sentence does not break a real, lasting friendship.

I've got some pretty powerful friends. They have the ability to withstand my ravings, crying, laughing and shouting. They celebrate and commiserate with me and give a tug on my anchor rope, pinning me back down to earth when it's needed.

All that said, I have noticed that I'm unwilling to accept unacceptance anymore. I'm not willing to allow myself to be treated with disrespect. I'm not willing to let others prod at the soft underbelly of my psyche, pushing buttons (that they know I have) to knock me down a notch. I'm simply not willing to be criticized in front of others, and I'm not willing to see my close friends placed into situations where they end up witnessing that.

And so I'm finding in myself the desire to step back from what I perceive to be toxic relationships. I will rejoice in the relationships I have that are good for me and the other person. Relationships that enable me to see God in them.