Adjustments are a Way of Life

Today we did a medication adjustment. I knew we would, but I was surprised by which one. I know my doctor saw my surprise and skepticism. "Just give me 60 days with this," he said. "We'll try something else if this doesn't work."

And so he doubled my anti-depressant.

I've had a firmly held belief from the beginning that my depression has been caused by my fatigue. That the insomnia is caused by the depression over the fatigue.

Today we discussed increasing my estrogen dose. "If we do that," I said, "I don't want to increase the testosterone component because of the muscle tension I experienced."

We also discussed decreasing my cholesterol-lowering medication. My cholesterol numbers are perfect now. There is actually wiggle room. And the sore, tired muscles could be a side effect of that. But I have been taking it for some years now with no effects before.

So here is the theory we are working on now.

1. I'm depressed.
2. I'm stressed.
3. I'm not sleeping all the way through the night uninterrupted, even with sleep medication.
4. I've been exercising more to chase away the blues and stress.
5. The more I exercise, the more damage I sustain physically. And the more worn out I get.

Which depresses me.

So. We are doubling the Celexa for 60 days. And I will slow down on the hard-core exercise and do more easy stuff like yoga and walking. And I need to rest.

What was especially interesting was when he said, "I don't want you to think you are wearing out early. That you are fragile and going downhill, getting too old. You feel like that now, but this will pass. Unfortunately, no one knows how long it will take. Could be years. But you will come out of all of this."

And so I will!