On the Way Up From the Abyss

Continuing the saga. I left off here.

Without a doubt what kept me from going completely around the bend when I started the Celexa was the fact that my doctor told me to take my Ambien prescription every single night, no matter what, for two weeks. He said, "Arguing with yourself about whether to take it only makes you feel worse. Take it every night for two weeks and then try going without. If you still can't sleep, we'll re-evaluate."

I was so sick. And flu symptoms are so much like many side effects for anti-depressants. I managed, in the course of 6 weeks, to run through just about every side effect.

Diarrhea
Tiredness
Nausea
Dry mouth
Weight loss
Change in taste
Change in sexual function

And of course the "washing" effect I'd experience. Like waves of electricity coursing across the top of my brain from back to front. Particularly noticeable in the morning when I'd first wake up and be lying in bed. My best friend would say, "How's the brainwashing going?"

Some of the symptons subsided right away. Some lasted for several weeks until finally the last one resolved right at about 6 weeks. I was carrying around the prescription info sheet with me, checking the symptom list periodically. Because I was so dizzy and faint at the same time (I actually blacked out at the chiro's office and nearly fell over when I went for my mammogram that week), my friends and I had conversation after conversation about whether we thought all the sickness was the flu or the drug. Constant questioning whether I should go back to the doctor or wait it out a while. Speculating about how I could have caught the flu (very very likely, as I hang around the schools in the course of my work)

But. I did notice an immediate change in my thought pattern. The obsessive, ruminative thinking I had been plagued by for months and months, started to subside within 12 hours of the first dose of medication. I started to look more outside myself almost immediately, and began enjoying what was going on around me. The trees were blooming, the people around me were cool. It was just great!

The sleep issues did not go away. So at 6 weeks, when I went back for a med check, we made a change.